Furious Princess Anne Takes a Stand: Cancels Meghan Markle’s Netflix Deal and ‘Spare’ Film Rights

From Meghan’s new lifestyle brand to Harry’s surprising decisions, buckle up, buttercups, because this ride is about to get bumpier than a carriage on cobblestones. It turns out our dear Harry has been sitting on a golden goose this whole time. Remember that little book he wrote—the one that had more tea than the Boston Harbor? “Spare,” the literary equivalent of a toddler’s temper tantrum but with much better vocabulary. Well, apparently, Harry owns the film, TV, and stage rights to this modern literary masterpiece and get this—he’s refusing to sell them!

 

Let’s pause for a moment and appreciate the sheer audacity of this move. This is the same Harry who, along with his wife Meghan, signed a multi-million dollar deal with Netflix faster than you could say, “We’re not racist.” The same couple who’ve been milking their royal connections like a dairy farmer on steroids. And now suddenly, Harry is all about protecting the family’s privacy? Oh honey, that ship has sailed, capsized, and is currently resting at the bottom of the Atlantic.

But wait, it gets better. The reason behind this sudden attack of conscience? Apparently, Harry doesn’t want anyone portraying his late mother, Princess Diana, or his wife Meghan in ways that don’t align with his views. Isn’t that rich? It’s like he suddenly remembered that actions have consequences and maybe dragging your family through the mud on international television isn’t the best way to maintain healthy relationships. Who would have thought?

Now, let’s talk about the real hero of this story—the knight in shining armor, the queen of sass, the princess who takes no prisoners: Princess Anne. Oh, how I love this woman! While the rest of the Royals were tiptoeing around Harry and Meghan like they were walking on eggshells, Anne has been stomping on those eggs and making a royal omelette.

Princess Anne, bless her heart, has once again proven why she’s the unsung hero of the royal family. She’s like the stern aunt at a family reunion who’s not afraid to tell you your potato salad tastes like feet. By supporting the cancellation of these film rights, Anne has basically looked Harry dead in the eye and said, “Not today, Satan!” She put her foot down harder than a Guardsman at Buckingham Palace. It’s like she’s grabbed Harry by his ginger locks and said, “Listen here, you little whippersnapper. You’ve had your fun, you’ve sold your books, you’ve cried on Oprah’s shoulder. Enough is enough.”

 

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the sheer brilliance of this move? It’s chess, not checkers, folks, and Anne’s seen the long game. She knows that if Harry and Meghan got their hands on a Netflix adaptation of “Spare,” it would be about as factual as a Disney princess movie. We’d have Meghan portrayed as a hybrid of Mother Teresa and Beyoncé while the rest of the Royals would probably be depicted as a bunch of stuffy, tea-drinking villains with bad teeth.

 

 

 

But Anne? Oh no, she wasn’t having any of that. She’s been around the block a few times and knows that sometimes the best defense is a good offense. By supporting the kibosh on this royal PR nightmare, she’s not just protecting the royal family; she’s saving Harry and Meghan from themselves. Let’s be real, folks—if “Spare: The Movie” ever saw the light of day, it would be a disaster of epic proportions. We’re talking cats level of cinematic catastrophe. It would be the giggliest of royal biopics, the Ishar of monarchical melodramas, and trust me, that’s not a legacy anyone wants. Not even Harry.

wait, aren’t Harry and Meghan still working on their other Netflix projects? You might be right, my eagle-eyed viewers. Our dynamic duo of drama is indeed still cashing those Netflix checks faster than you can say “financial independence.” Harry’s apparently working on some polo show, because nothing says “man of the people” quite like a program about a sport involving a ball and a horse that costs more than most people’s houses. And Meghan? She’s reportedly cooking up a show about cooking, gardening, and entertaining. It’s like Martha Stewart with more titles and less prison time. I’m sure it’ll be riveting—how to make avocado toast with a side of family drama and how to plant roses while simultaneously planting seeds of discontent within a thousand-year-old institution.

These shows are safe, vanilla, and about as controversial as a cucumber sandwich at high tea. And that’s exactly the point. Princess Anne and the rest of the royal family have essentially cornered Harry and Meghan into a position where they can’t do any more damage. They’ve been relegated to the kiddie pool of content creation, splashing around with their little rubber duckies while the adults handle the real issues. It’s a masterclass in damage control, really. The Royals have effectively said, “Okay, you want to be in the spotlight? Fine. Here’s a nice shiny spotlight. Now stand in it and look pretty while we get on with the business of running a monarchy.”

And let’s not forget the beautiful irony of it all—Harry and Meghan left the royal family because they wanted privacy. Remember? They were tired of the constant scrutiny, the pressure, the lack of freedom. And now they are willingly putting themselves back in the public eye, desperately trying to stay relevant in a world that’s quickly realizing they might not have much to offer beyond their royal connections. It’s like watching a slow-motion car crash, except the car is a golden carriage crashing into a pile of discarded tiaras and broken dreams.

But let’s circle back to our hero, Princess Anne. This woman deserves a standing ovation. While the rest of the family was wringing their hands and wondering what to do about the royal Prince and his Hollywood wife, Anne rolled up her sleeves and got to work. She’s like the royal family’s fixer, their Olivia Pope, if you will. When there’s a mess, you call Anne. And boy, has she cleaned up this mess with the efficiency of a royal housekeeper on steroids.

By supporting the cancellation of these film rights, she’s not just preventing another round of public humiliation for the family; she’s also giving Harry a chance at redemption. Because let’s face it—if Harry had gone ahead with the “Spare” adaptation, there would have been no coming back from that. It would have been the final nail in the coffin of his relationship with his family. It would have been burning the bridge, digging up the foundations, and salting the earth where the bridge once stood.

But now, there’s hope—a tiny, glimmering sliver of hope. By choosing not to further exploit his family’s drama, or being strongly encouraged not to, let’s be real—Harry has shown that maybe, just maybe, there’s still a shred of loyalty left in him. Maybe somewhere deep down, beneath layers of California sunshine and Meghan’s authentic lifestyle brand, there is still a prince who cares about his family.

Of course, this is all speculation. For all we know, Harry could be sitting in his Montecito mansion right now, furiously scribbling ideas for “Spare 2” or even “Spare-er.” But for now, let’s bask in the glow of this small victory for the royal family and raise a toast to Princess Anne—the unsung hero of this royal soap opera.

What we’re witnessing here is nothing short of a royal chess match. On one side, we have Harry and Meghan desperately trying to stay relevant without the crutch of their royal titles. On the other, we have the royal family, led by the indomitable Princess Anne, playing a long game of damage control and family preservation. It’s a battle of wits, PR strategies, and who can spin the best narrative. And right now, it looks like the home team is winning.

The Royals have managed to neutralize the threat of a potentially damaging film adaptation while still allowing Harry and Meghan to feel like they’re doing something. It’s a delicate balance, a high-wire act worthy of the greatest circus performers. And at the center of it all is Princess Anne—the ringmaster extraordinaire, keeping all the plates spinning and the tigers at bay.

 

 

 

 

Will Harry and Meghan eventually run out of stories to tell and fade into obscurity? Will they realize that maybe, just maybe, they had it pretty good as working Royals? Or will they double down and find new ways to shock and amaze? Only time will tell, my friends. But one thing is for sure: as long as we have Princess Anne in our corner, the royal family will be just fine. She’s the hero we need, the hero we deserve, and the hero who’s not afraid to serve up some tough love with a side of sass.