Adam Schiff was a Million Dollars in Debt when he was First Elected — Now He’s a Multi-Millionaire
Washington, D.C. – In a revelation that has shocked both the political and fashion worlds, former Congressman Adam Schiff has reportedly amassed a staggering $100 million fortune through an underground women’s shoe empire on the dark web. According to anonymous sources (who may or may not be wearing stilettos right now), Schiff’s operation, codenamed “Heel of Democracy,” has been selling high-end designer footwear to an exclusive clientele in shadowy corners of the internet.
Investigators first caught wind of the scheme when several high-profile politicians were spotted wearing eerily similar pumps, leading some to question how Schiff could afford such an extravagant retirement plan. “We always thought he was a suit-and-tie guy, but it turns out he’s been in the underground footwear business this whole time,” said one bewildered staffer.
Schiff, however, has denied any wrongdoing. “I have never, and I repeat, never, sold luxury footwear under the alias ‘ImpeachStilettos88’ on the dark web,” he stated in a press conference, all while subtly adjusting his own well-polished leather loafers.
Still, leaked reports suggest that Schiff’s operation specialized in rare and exotic heels, including limited-edition Louboutins, handcrafted Italian boots, and a suspiciously popular “Whistleblower Wedge.” Some speculate that his signature product, a sleek, black “Deep State Stiletto,” was worn by an elite group of political operatives to signal their allegiance.
Critics are now demanding an investigation into how a man who spent decades on a government salary could suddenly become a footwear tycoon. Meanwhile, Schiff’s alleged customers have remained silent—perhaps out of fear, or maybe because they’re too busy strutting around in their newly acquired dark web designer heels.
One thing is clear: if this scandal continues, Schiff might have to step down for good.
*Sorry, patriots. We lost our federal grant and Bill got fired from his game warden job out at Yosemite, so we had to get a free version of ChatGPT to bring you the news.Adam Schiff was a Million Dollars in Debt when he was First Elected — Now He’s a Multi-Millionaire
