My boyfriend is inconsiderate, lazy, and often borrows money, making me tired. Meanwhile, I am pampered and cared for by a landlord who is 20 years older.

I am 24 years old, have a boyfriend of the same age, from the same hometown.

We have been dating since grade 12, for more than 6 years now. During college, I lived in the city, and my boyfriend studied in the countryside.

Due to the geographical distance, my boyfriend only visits me every 1-2 months. In the past year, we often quarrel. Therefore, the number of times he visits has gradually decreased. We mainly chat online.

I feel that the feelings from both sides are fading. He no longer cares about or respects me. He spends less time with me. On holidays, anniversaries,… he doesn’t give me gifts, not even a small flower.

He often borrows money from me to spend without feeling ashamed. He also did not explain the reason. I suspected that he was involved in gambling or drinking but had no evidence.

We could not find common ground on many issues. Although I was tired and disgusted with my boyfriend, I regretted the beautiful time we had together so I did not say goodbye.

During this time, the landlord, a divorced man 20 years older than me, showed a lot of care and actively expressed his feelings for me.

When I was in a “cold war” with my lover, I was often sad and depressed. Seeing that, the landlord invited me to eat and go for a walk. This person also gave me expensive cosmetics and handbags on holidays and special days.

He did not take the rent and even sent supplements to my parents. My motorbike was badly damaged, so he was willing to lend me his motorbike to use for a month.

At first, I refused to accept gifts and asked him for help, but he said: “If you don’t love me, we can still be friends and confidants.” So I felt more comfortable accepting his kindness.

In return, I often cooked delicious dishes and invited him to eat. When he sat down to eat with me, he was moved and even cried once.

He said that when he was with me, he felt safe and warm like a real family. He craved his wife’s care and being able to play with the children. That was something he didn’t feel in his first marriage.

His sincere words moved me. I realized that I had feelings and wanted to be with him more. But I tried to suppress my emotions and keep my distance.

I started to think more seriously about breaking up with my current boyfriend. But I was afraid that he would go back to my hometown and ridicule me, saying that I was greedy for money and had abandoned my friendship for many years.

I was also worried that my feelings for the landlord were just “infatuation” or being overwhelmed by expensive gifts. I doubted the good things he brought me. I’m afraid of the mousetrap behind the delicious cheese.

Is it because my first love is so deep that I’m no longer clear-headed enough to know where my safe harbor is?