Living with Struggles While Friends Thrive: My Silent Strain

There are times when I wonder what I’ve done wrong, why I’m still struggling while my friends have already become successful and wealthy.

Every time my friends plan gatherings, birthday parties, class reunions, or weddings, I find an excuse to avoid going. Being around my rich friends feels like an unspoken pressure I can’t fully express.

It’s been more than 10 years since we graduated, and most of them now have houses, cars, and expensive clothes. Some have high positions at companies, some are married to wealthy spouses, and others run successful businesses. Meanwhile, I’m still just a low-paid office worker, earning barely enough.

They laugh and chat about their jobs, their loving husbands who take them on trips, buying them expensive clothes. They talk about investments worth millions, buying properties, showing off their luxury items, while I’m struggling to make ends meet, counting every penny for each meal.

A vacation for my family of four is extremely hard to afford. Besides the flight tickets and hotel stay, there’s food and expenses – I simply can’t afford a trip that costs tens of millions. If possible, I can only take my kids back to the countryside or go on a small, local outing.

They all have fancy homes, land, and investments, while I’m still renting a small 20m² room. My husband isn’t particularly skilled or understanding. He’s never taken me on a vacation or bought me anything valuable. I don’t blame him because I understand our circumstances. Even if he wanted to, we don’t have the money.

Both of us work, but our income barely covers the kids’ schooling and living expenses. If something unexpected happens, I immediately have to borrow money from friends. There are times when I’m sick, but I can’t afford to see a doctor, so I just buy some over-the-counter medicine to get by.

When I hear my friends talking about their future plans, discussing overseas trips, I can’t help but sigh, feeling left behind. Tears often fall, and I can’t let anyone see.

I think about my kids at home, waiting for me to take them to the beach this summer – something I can’t do. I’m still trying to figure out how to come up with the money to take my mother for a stomach checkup.

Many people don’t understand. They say I live frugally, not knowing how to enjoy life. But they never give me an answer: where is the money for enjoyment supposed to come from?

While they enjoy their comfortable lives, spending freely, I’m just trying to make ends meet each day. I don’t blame them, only myself for feeling like I’m falling behind. I don’t compare my husband to others because I believe that all relationships are shaped by fate.

I continue to work hard, hoping that my children will be happy and well-educated. But I wish people would understand – just because I live modestly, it doesn’t mean I’m stingy or irresponsible. Don’t call me someone who wastes their youth or doesn’t know how to take care of themselves.

I’ve tried my best and will keep striving for a better future. Maybe, I’m just not as lucky as some others.