The coveted “Woman of the Year” title has been officially handed to former Kentucky swimmer and up-and-coming conservative pundit Riley Gaines. All nine judges voted unanimously.
While the win should come as no surprise given what Riley has done for women’s rights, many believed the crown would likely go to soccer star Megan Rapinoe. Nominating Committee Chair Joe Barron said Rapinoe wasn’t a consideration at all.
“Her name was on the list of finalists,” said Barron, “But so was Lia Thomas and Simone Biles. One is a quitter and the other, well…you know. Riley was really the only logical choice.”
ALLOD Correspondent Tara Newhole caught up with Rapinoe, who says she’s “really shaken up” about the loss. “They said Riley deserved it because she was cheated. I mean…I guess,” she said, “If you consider coming in 5th and tying for 5th two different things.”
Gaines has been on a crusade for women ever since she had her special moment of standing alone in the 5th-place slot ruined by someone she considers superior to her. It wasn’t fair then and it isn’t fair now. At least with this award, she can help legitimize her new career of grifting the cult.
We’re with you, Riley. Even with your funny-looking cheeks. God Bless America.
