I am always grateful to my mother for giving birth to me, but it also hurts to be her child…
Now that I am almost 40 years old, I can’t count how many times my mother complained, “If only you were a boy.” My parents wanted to have both boys and girls, so they didn’t hesitate to have more children, but after the birth of two daughters, my mother could no longer get pregnant.
My father never blamed his wife for that, but my mother took all her anger out on me. She was haunted by the idea that if I were a boy, it would be better, and she would be satisfied with being infertile. It’s just a pity that I am a girl, and I have lived with this body until middle age.
After an unhappy childhood, I began to dream of leaving my family. The pressure of studying was not as great as my mother’s attitude towards me. Because my mother did not like me from the moment I was born, my mother raised me very superficially. My father was busy working and rarely paid attention to his children, making me always feel lost in my own home.
My sister was spoiled by my mother, so she often bullied me. When I grew up, it was a little better, but my sister and I were not close to each other. She was lively and outgoing, with many friends everywhere. I was quiet and introverted, with only my cat as a friend.
However, it is true that God does not take everything away from anyone. I was deprived of affection from my family, but in other aspects of my life, I was luckier than my sister. She was a poor student and did not have a good appearance like me, so from the moment she entered the world and left my mother’s pampering, she struggled quite a bit. It was difficult to find a job, difficult to maintain a job, and she often had conflicts with her colleagues, so everything was not very smooth.
I was busy with work so I rarely came home. My parents didn’t care much about me, they just asked me a few questions to confirm my existence. When I got married, the wedding was simple and hasty because my parents didn’t want to spend a lot of money. I was used to that superficiality so I didn’t pay much attention. Moving out of the house made me feel free and comfortable.
However, after getting married, my life gradually fell into a deadlock when I tried so hard to have children but still couldn’t. My husband loved me so much that he didn’t put much emphasis on having children, he even said that it was okay if we didn’t have children, we could live together until we were old. However, I really craved the laughter of children, wanted my house to be a real family home, so I tirelessly pursued the journey to find children even though I knew that as I got older, the chance of becoming a mother was also lower.
2 years, 4 years, then 5 years passed. My husband and I went to the doctor and the doctor said that we weren’t infertile, both of our health was fine, but for some reason I couldn’t get pregnant. I was very depressed about that, there was a period of time when I cried every day. My sister had 2 children so she often texted me to compare this and that, which made me very uncomfortable. Many people gossiped about my husband and I behind my back, they told me to let my husband go because I was “sterile”. At first, I was heartbroken when I heard those words. Then I ignored them.
I started to smile more, be happier and find the meaning of life again. I will do everything to preserve the precious life in my belly, I will trade any price for my child to be born healthy.
Just when I had everything in hand, the storm came. I tried to wait until the fetus was stable before telling my relatives the good news. Today, on the first day of the year, I finally received a call from my mother, so I was very happy.
It had been a long time since we last talked, but she unexpectedly revealed something that shocked me.
My mother said that my sister had just been diagnosed with a serious illness and needed to donate bone marrow to save her life. I don’t know what the doctor advised, but my mother wanted me to donate to my sister, saying that it was the only way for her to escape the death penalty.
I choked up and revealed that I was pregnant with my first child, and was still recovering to keep the baby safe, so I couldn’t fulfill my mother’s wishes. Unexpectedly, my mother was not surprised, nor did she care about the existence of the grandchild she had long awaited. She said an indifferent sentence that I will remember for the rest of my life:
– You will have another child, but your sister’s life is only one. If you don’t save her now, what chance will there be? Consider it as me begging you!
Both are my biological daughters, but the one who is pregnant is not as important as the one who is sick. It was very difficult for me to have this little creature, it was not even formed yet but my grandmother wanted to reject it. I know it was a painful choice, maybe my mother did not want to be so cruel. But why did she not choose another way to cure my sister’s illness but instead come to me to make such a heartbreaking suggestion?…
