My husband and I got together after he had been divorced and had a 5-year-old son. He is a successful, understanding man who always supports all my decisions. Therefore, I was very happy to meet him.

During our time together, he brought his son to see me a few times. Although we did not interact much, I found the boy to be quite well-behaved and understanding. He lives with his grandparents, not his father. Therefore, I thought that if we got married, we would not have to face the problem of stepmothers and stepchildren as people often warn.

On the other hand, I was also confident that, at the age of over 30, I was mature and calm enough to face the obstacles in life. If I loved my husband’s stepchild or at least respected him, things would not be too difficult.

However, the reality was not that simple, and the difficulties originated from my father-in-law. My father-in-law used to have a bit of a title, when I first met him, I thought he looked calm and quiet. I had been married for almost a month when he suddenly brought our child over and told my husband and I to raise the child from now on, without discussing or informing him beforehand.

I was a little annoyed because I felt disrespected. At least he should have told me in advance. I also wanted to live as a newlywed couple for a while before becoming a mother. However, when I looked at my child, I softened, thinking that the child living with his grandparents would lack parental love. My husband was single before, and often left early and came home late for work, so he couldn’t take care of the child. Now I should also share the responsibility of raising the child with him.

Thinking so, I happily agreed. My attitude made the child very happy. His eyes lit up, and he ran to hug me. In the following days, outside of work, my husband and I often spent time with our child. I treated him like a little friend, not asking him to call me mom, but first calling him aunt. I think things should be left to nature, both sides need time to cultivate feelings, when the child wants to, he will call.

But when he found out, my father-in-law called me right away. Not caring that I was at work, he uttered a series of harsh words, saying that I was selfish, did not want to raise the child. He blamed me for keeping my distance, making the child feel hurt… and released a series of things that only he could think of. After scolding, my father-in-law did not give me a chance to explain and hung up.

My father-in-law always tried to find ways to divide the feelings between me and my husband’s stepchild. (Illustration: VTV).

In the following days, he continuously called the child and incited him to turn against me. I required my child to only watch TV for 1 hour a day, not to use the phone without permission from an adult, and to go down to the yard below the building to play, he had to have the consent of his parents… I think those rules are only good for the child and do not cause any harm.

At first, the boy happily accepted. But since his father-in-law intervened, he showed resistance. Once I asked him to turn off the TV and go to bed, he blurted out: “Grandpa told me not to listen to you, just listen to dad.”

I was both angry and resentful but still tried to stay calm, went into the room, closed the door and told myself: If it’s too difficult, I’ll solve it tomorrow.

The next evening, during dinner, the boy insisted on using the phone again, saying that if he didn’t have a phone, he wouldn’t eat anything. If my husband was at home, I would let him handle it, but this time he was away. I was so angry that I asked him not to eat and stood facing the wall. I couldn’t keep calm so my voice was a bit harsh. The boy was very surprised, perhaps this was the first time he saw me raise my voice. He was both angry and hurt, tears welled up in his eyes but he still obediently stood facing the wall.

Seeing my son like that, I also felt sorry for him, just intending to let him stand for a few minutes. Unexpectedly, at that moment, my father-in-law appeared. It must be said that since the day my son came to live with us, my father-in-law often came to visit unexpectedly. He never rang the doorbell but automatically used the key he had before, suddenly appearing in my house.

This time, witnessing my son being punished, he stared at me with wide eyes. Before I could explain, I received a slap in the face. After that, he took the boy’s hand and left the house.

His actions had exceeded my tolerance. I went into the room and cried like a madman. I blamed myself for marrying him, for putting myself in a difficult situation, for not finding out more before rushing into this marriage.

I also wondered, if he had entrusted me with the care of the child, why didn’t he give me the right to educate him? Is it true that as a stepmother, I only have the duty to take care of and raise my children wholeheartedly, but not the right to raise them properly? Does that mean I am a servant, not a mother?

After crying, I just lay in my room, dazed like a person who has lost his mind. At this time, my husband came home. He still did not know what happened, so he thought I was sick and asked me very kindly. Before I could tell him everything, he received a phone call from my father, asking him to come over to my house to meet me immediately. I did not need to think to know the purpose of this meeting.

I also wondered, if I was entrusted with the care of the child, why was he not given the right to educate him? Is it true that as a stepmother, I only have the obligation to wholeheartedly care for and raise the child, but not the right to educate the child? Does that mean I am considered a servant, not a mother?

After crying, I just lay in the room, dazed like a person who has lost his mind. At this time, my husband came home. He still did not know what happened, so he thought I was sick, and asked me very kindly. Before I could tell him everything, he received a phone call from my father, asking to come over to meet him immediately. I didn’t need to think to know what the purpose of this meeting was.

It’s just that I was too tired, I didn’t want to try anymore. I didn’t care what my father-in-law wanted to say, and he could behave however he wanted. I didn’t want to explain, nor did I want to say anything. Whatever happened now, I was ready to accept it, even if it meant divorce.