I once believed that if I fulfilled my role as a wife and mother, managed the home well, and kept good relationships with my in-laws, my marriage would be stable. Little did I know, I would still make a huge mistake.

I had a deep and intense 8-year relationship with someone named P. We worked together, lived as a couple for 3 years, and were about to get married. However, his family strongly opposed our union. His father didn’t like me because I was short and not particularly beautiful, while his mother, on the other hand, was fond of me for being polite and well-mannered. She even said, “You two should get married, and I’ll move in with you. If my husband objects, let him live alone.” Despite this, my boyfriend didn’t stand up to his father, and our wedding plans were delayed repeatedly.

Eventually, after much hesitation from his father, we were about to have our engagement ceremony when his grandfather fell seriously ill. His father once again used this as an excuse to prevent us from marrying. That day, when my parents visited his home, his father said, “My father is waiting to die. I won’t let them marry, and I don’t know if they’ll ever marry.”

My dignity was shattered, and in a fit of anger, I called off the engagement. I ended the relationship that day, despite his pleas. Although I was hurt, I moved on, unsure of what to do next.

At that time, I met my current husband. Desperate for stability, I leaned on him and confided in him about all my past struggles. Despite knowing about my past relationship, my ex, and the years we had spent living together, my husband still wanted to marry me.

I was confused. Part of me wanted to settle down for the sake of peace, but I was also afraid that my husband wouldn’t accept my complicated past. Eventually, due to his persistence, I agreed to marry him.

What I didn’t anticipate was how my rushed decision would lead me into an unhappy marriage.

Though my husband seemed understanding and forgiving, he could never fully accept my past. Even during the happiest moments of our marriage, he would ask, “Is life with me better than it was with him?” I was embarrassed and tried to change the subject.

I thought that if I fulfilled my duties as a wife and mother, everything would work out, but I was wrong.

One morning, as I woke up in his arms, I absentmindedly said, “P., what should we have for breakfast?” P. was the name of my ex. My husband immediately sat up, his eyes bloodshot with anger, and shouted, “You’re with me and still thinking about him?” He stormed out of the room.

From that moment on, my marriage began to fall apart. We continued living together for the sake of our child, but there was no happiness left. My husband, frustrated, decided to work far away with his brother and only came home once every couple of months. When he did, he barely acknowledged me and would argue with me over trivial matters.

He became incredibly jealous. If I stayed up late working, he assumed it was to chat with another man. If I came home a bit late, he thought I was seeing my ex. He even installed a GPS tracker on my phone. He constantly believed I was still in contact with my ex.

Our arguments became frequent and petty. He would call me offensive names and drag my past into every argument. While he was charming and courteous to others, at home, he was rude and harsh.

Living in such a toxic environment, I fell into depression. I began to feel worthless and dirty. Ten years into the marriage, with my daughter turning 8, I finally decided to leave.

I asked for a divorce, but he refused. Unable to change my mind, he tried to use our daughter as leverage, but since she was old enough to choose, she wanted to stay with me. Unable to stop me, he moved back to his hometown to work, visiting occasionally to see our child.

Two years have passed, and we are still not divorced. He continues to drag things out, using our daughter as an excuse to keep our family together. Our daughter, attached to her father, often asks me to return so the family can be reunited.

Despite his efforts to change, showing love and care, I’m still uncertain. I’m tempted to go back for the sake of our child and the family unit. However, I’m afraid that his change is just a façade. If I return, I fear he will resume his old ways of emotional abuse.