Every time my wife and I have a disagreement, if I’m at fault, I always apologize. But this time, caught between my wife and my sister, I don’t know what to do.

I live in Hanoi and married a woman from Saigon. We met during a business trip to the South, and after more than a year of long-distance dating, my wife quit her job and moved to Hanoi to live with me.

We lived in a 25m² rented apartment. In the first year, though our income was modest and we didn’t have much material wealth, we took care of each other with a lot of love.

In the second year, we got married, and by the end of that year, my wife gave birth. With support from both families and a loan from the bank, we managed to buy a social housing apartment.

I found a better-paying job, so life became a bit easier. However, this was when marital conflicts started to increase. From her not working and feeling financially dependent on me, to arguments about family matters, especially during holidays, tensions were building.

The tipping point came when my sister asked to borrow 200 million VND from us. My wife refused, saying the amount was too large, and we hadn’t yet fully paid off our debts. She wanted to keep some savings in case of unexpected situations.

The argument between my wife and I escalated, and in the heat of the moment, I angrily criticized her, saying “You’re selfish, only thinking about yourself. Go live by yourself!” That was the first time I had ever spoken to her like that. She was furious, thinking that I didn’t care about her anymore, and that night, she took our child and went back to Saigon.

My sister, however, was persistent. She wanted me to make a decision quickly and when she found out my wife had left for her hometown, she immediately called my wife with an accusing tone. “When you marry, you follow your husband. I will repay the money, I’m not cheating you. But to me, you’re just a stranger, you don’t care about me,” my sister said.

In the past, my wife and my sister never really got along, and my wife had tolerated a lot. This time, I was shocked by my sister’s words. My mother, who didn’t understand the situation fully, was still supporting my sister.

Now, I’m feeling very lost and torn. If I follow my wife’s wishes, she doesn’t want to lend the money, and she wants our whole family to move to Saigon. But I’m hesitant because it would mean changing jobs and feeling disconnected from my hometown. On the other hand, if I agree with my sister, it will only worsen the tension between my wife and me.

Divorce is not an option for me. I don’t want our child to suffer because of our issues, and deep down, I still love my wife very much. Right now, I’m stuck, not knowing what to do for my family.