Drunken Husband Starts a Fight with His Dad, but My Mother-in-Law Wants Me to Apologize on His Behalf

Why should someone completely uninvolved, who doesn’t even know what happened, have to bear responsibility for someone else’s actions?

Recently, a colleague who is about to get married asked me an unexpected question: “Who should make the first move to be kind—the daughter-in-law or the mother-in-law?” It seemed like a naive question, but it got me thinking.

I’ve been married for nearly ten years now, and during that time, I’ve operated under the belief that if I treated others kindly, they would eventually understand and reciprocate. But how long does one have to keep giving kindness before the other side even begins to appreciate or return it?

My husband’s family prides themselves on being intellectuals—well-educated, with impressive degrees—but they are, quite frankly, broke. They live in a spacious house, but that’s an inheritance from their parents, not something they earned. My in-laws, and even my husband, seem allergic to hard work. They prefer a leisurely life reminiscent of aristocrats from a bygone era, completely detached from the modern world’s demands.

Over the years, I’ve come to terms with my husband’s lack of ambition. He’s turned down countless opportunities because he didn’t want the stress or inconvenience. He prefers a job that allows him to work a few hours a day, leaving plenty of time for relaxation, sports, and drinking with friends. Because of this, I’ve had to shoulder the financial burden of our household alone. I’ve worked tirelessly because, well, someone has to put food on the table. We have a young child to raise, debts to pay, and countless expenses to manage. Yet, even as I juggle these responsibilities, I’m not spared from drama.

One night, I had to work late because of an upcoming deadline. My child was staying with my parents, as I couldn’t be in two places at once. Meanwhile, my “precious” husband decided to drink himself silly and ended up picking a fight with his dad at home. The details of the argument? I have no idea—I wasn’t there, and nobody has bothered to fill me in. My husband, drunk as he was, remembers nothing, and being as stubborn as a mule, he refuses to admit any wrongdoing. My father-in-law, understandably furious, hasn’t spoken to him since.

Now, with the holidays approaching, father and son are locked in a cold war. And here’s where things take a turn for the ridiculous: my mother-in-law, the self-proclaimed peacemaker of the family, came to me with an absurd request. She suggested that since my husband wouldn’t apologize to his father, I should do it on his behalf.

Excuse me, what? I wasn’t even there. I have no clue what the argument was about. Why should I be dragged into this mess and apologize for something I had nothing to do with? Even if I were willing to “take one for the team,” shouldn’t I at least know what I’m apologizing for?

At the end of the year, when I’m already drowning in work, I find myself questioning my life choices. I’ve tried to be a good wife, a good mother, and the sole breadwinner of this family. My husband, who is healthy, educated, and fully capable, chooses to stay in his comfort zone, leaving all the financial and emotional burdens to me.

I’ve often wondered what holds him back. He has the potential and qualifications to succeed, yet he settles for mediocrity, prioritizing leisure and drinking over providing for his family. Meanwhile, I’m left to shoulder the weight of our shared life.

This constant strain wears on me, not just because of my husband’s lack of effort but because of the additional chaos his family brings. It’s like every few weeks, I’m dragged into some new drama that distracts me from my goals and adds unnecessary stress.

I don’t dream of extravagant things—just a life where I can focus on earning a living without being pulled into trivial conflicts. But at this point, even that seems like too much to ask. Is it really too much to hope that if someone isn’t going to help lighten the load, they at least don’t make it heavier?