She wasn’t fired. They did not get rid of her. Even her show wasn’t canceled. ABC chose not to re-sign Whoopi Goldberg to a new contract as a way to deal with its never-ending Whoopi Goldberg problem. Goldberg will lose her lead role on a popular show and up to $36 million per year in pay and endorsements because of this decision.

“It’s time to move on,” said Programming Director Joe Barron. “She’s had a good run, but now she’s just so angry all the time.” Barron said that people who find her nasty, divisive, and un-American are always complaining to the network about her. “Most of them can’t explain why, but it’s their right not to,” he said.

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, says that the talks aren’t over yet and that he thinks ABC will give his client a new contract that will last until 2029. “She is the show,” he said. “Joy Behar, are you going to run it?” She’s not a big enough star to do what Whoopi does.

Barron says that Behar isn’t the only choice because all that money could be used to hire two new speakers for the show. “I’ll bet we could get both Alyssa Milano and Kathy Griffin for half of that,” he said with a laugh. Alyssa Milano didn’t answer when we asked her to. once more.

We hope that this new trend away from liberals will continue so that America can go back to its glory days.